high off paint fumes

Alright, in moving I really want to leave certia parts of me behind. And for the most part I did that, but it came out a bit tonight in an argument with a, friend (a bit more, but thats a long story) I was really self loathing after that, fucking angry that let someone get to me like that (the italics was unintentional by the way) Then I realized, hey, that didn't have anything to do with my enviroment that is a part of my personality and I like that, as long as I keep it under control. So I called Stephanie, my shining jewel of a best friend to rant on my way to the bodega to get a 40 oz for drew and I (drew is painting a giant graff beehive on one of my walls, because he's amazing like that) Now I am about halfway through the 40 and listening to music while drew paints away and realizing Fuuuuuck this drama, fuck thinking people are irreplacable or that things mean more than they do. I don't act my age, I am too serious and I rarely get fucking smashed and have a fun night. I'm too responsible and uptight. yea. no more.
for this little self revolution I need a playlist. It is as follows.

Atmosphere: spaghetti strapped
"here let me buy you a drink as a tolken of my erection"

Jackson 5 - I want you back
(I really need to find some girlfriends if I want to impliment this into the playlist. The fella's just don't get it)

Aesop Rock- Coffee
"just because I don't want to go to war with you, don't mean go warm un the barbeque"

Brother ali- heads down
because any song about how to give a girl good oral sex deserves a playlist top spot

Boyz 2 men-motown philly
quietly, in my room, with my headphones on, I will dance.

Common ft lilly allen- drivin me wild
strange alliance, but it puts me in the perfect chill mood

A tribe called quest - scenerio
a classic, the remix with busta isn't something to complain about either

stack bundles- n**** you food
bangin on both sides

tegan and sarah-frozen
adorable.

alright this is getting to be boring as hell and i'm about 3/4 on the 40
have a good night!

self defense

I think its unfortunate how the majority of people view sexual exploration. I didn't realize how much our enviroment social experience/group classification effects our sexual interest and approach to it. Even the difference between Utah and New York is huge. In SLC, i felt that my own experiences there were much more repressed and awkward which, considering I'm a bit of a hussy, i gathered must be culturally influenced. Here, people, from my limited experience, are much more sexually comfortable and confident. They know what they want, what they like, and are not afraid to share that with the other person. And oddly, for the first time I feel like I'm put in situations where I am able to voice that as well without repression. Sorry for the graphic nature of this post, but even the difference of genre's of people (and I don't care what you say, genre's exist. electro, hip-hop, rap, house, emo, hardcore, metal, I am not trying to limit anyone or judge by categorizing but it has proven to be nothing short of prevelent and until proven otherwise in a majority standpoint, I see it as applicable) seems to have a huge influence on what they like sexually and whether or not they feel comfortable expressing that, or, if they're even aware of what they like. I think a lot of what makes us who we are, are our carnal instincts. Fight or flight, raw reactions, and sexually based instincts and desires. Now i'm not saying its wise to act on all of these, if that were the case I would be a violent, territorial nightmare, but I'm saying its things I think we should be more in touch with our carnal instincts to better understand and build ourselves in every aspects. what the fuck do I know, its christmas and i'm in my pj's smoking papers that had pickle juice spilled on them and writing a blog.

bangin on both sides

Yea, for a girly dressing guy/girl I sure do like masculine assholes. HEEERE WE GO AGAIN! nothing to say, except its fucking cold as fucking hell. Deg's doing alright, he's terrified of the train and acts like its the apocolyps every time we pass broadway, and he's being a pansy ass around puppy (the cat) but we all knew he was a sissy behind those crazy eyes. The trip home was good for me, made me realize that although I have no friends here, and get lost when I walk around the block, at least I'm not in SLC. (no offense, I love you kids, but that place just wasn't for me) Shitty update. Blogs don't seem nearly as exciting as the fancy beer I'm drinking so I made a half ass effort.